Settle In
28 Days of Asking: Day 20
Last full day in Sonoma.
We did a bike tour. Fourteen miles through residential neighborhoods, vineyards, and sunshine. E-bikes, so the hills didn’t bite. We were just strolling. Taking it in the last day.
The best part might have been Dave. Our guide. Seventy years old, running bike tours for the last 18 years. He was down-to-earth with fun stories and an easy way of talking. We volleyed back and forth some short tales of life. Made the riding fly by.
We stopped a few times to learn about Sonoma's history and the wineries. And capped the riding with a full wine tour of the oldest winery in Sonoma, Buena Vista. An intriguing history to keep everyone entertained, and drinking. We kept it light—just a few sips before getting back on the bikes for the last stretch.
The day felt good being back on a bike. The sun on my face. The easy rhythm of pedaling and yammering. The kind of ride where you’re not tracking anything—just moving.
The morning blended into the afternoon. No rushing. Just flow.
Day 20: Why does it take until the end to settle in?
We are leaving CA tomorrow to come back home. And I’m just now getting comfortable.
That’s the thing about trips. About vacations. About any break from the routine. It takes days to stop carrying the weight you packed. To stop checking the invisible list. To actually arrive.
And then, right when you’ve found the rhythm, it’s time to go home.
There’s science behind this. Researchers in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that vacation happiness doesn’t climb steadily from the moment you leave. It peaks around day eight.
In the first few days, your brain is still catching up. Still scanning. Still bracing. The “core phase” of relaxation occurs in the middle 70% of the trip. Which means a five-day getaway might only give you one or two days of real rest.
Your nervous system doesn’t flip a switch. It takes time to shift from sympathetic activation (the fight-or-flight hum of daily life )into ventral vagal calm, the state where you can actually settle and connect. If you’ve been running hot for weeks and months, your body doesn’t trust the quiet right away.
Here’s what I find interesting: people with higher vagal flexibility (a well-tuned nervous system) transition into relaxation faster and recover from stress more efficiently. They move between these states with less friction. Less lag.
And vagal tone is trainable. Breathwork. Cold exposure. Movement. Co-regulation with safe people. Daily practices like the gym, a walk outside, a sauna, cold exposure, even morning quiet or time with loved ones aren’t just habits; they are pillars of an infrastructure to a healthy life. They can help land us somewhere new and actually be there sooner.
So I’m asking again: Why does it take until the end to settle in?
And also: What would it look like to arrive faster next time?
Maybe it’s about trusting that the work can wait. Maybe it’s about building the kind of infrastructure that makes transitions smoother—not just on vacation, but everywhere.
I’m going to remind myself of this pace back in Miami. Methodical. Intentional. The memory of how it felt to just flow. I’ll write about it in my journal, and I’ll leave it mentioned here for safe measures, too.
We’ll see how long it lasts. But at least now I know what I’m reaching for.
